


One Look, Dark Room

by laurensdelaf



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, LGBTQ Character, LGBTQ Themes, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-01
Updated: 2017-02-20
Packaged: 2018-07-19 10:34:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,950
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7357762
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/laurensdelaf/pseuds/laurensdelaf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“John had never so much as approached a boy at this level on the cute-o-meter. Alex was breaking the meter.”</p>
<p>John and Alexander are thrown into a new chapter of each of their stories when they start university. Their paths cross and they decide to take the journey together. Everything seems a dream until John notices something askew with Alex. When he looks closer, what will John discover not only about Alexander, but about himself too?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

“Bonjour mon ami, is everything going alright? You said you’d be here 2 hours ago.”  
John coaxed his phone into the nook between his ear and shoulder. He began to steer his luggage cart with both hands.  
“Yep, I’m on my way.”  
“Has the, how do you call… has the transfer shuttle arrived yet?”  
“I only just picked up my luggage.”  
“So you are the one holding everything up.” The smirk in Lafayette’s voice could be heard as clear as daylight.  
“My flight landed super late,” John sighed.  
“You know I’m joking. But I’ll see you soon, oui?”  
“Well I still have to—“ an unknown number flashed onto John’s phone. “Gotta go.”

Upon answering the disruptive call, he was greeted by a woman rambling in a heavy accent.  
“Sorry ma’am, could you repeat that please?”  
“I’m around the corner, _sir_. Bright orange,” she drawled. John hurriedly hung up and began speed-walking.

As he turned the corner, he was faced with two noteworthy objects—first, a pumpkin coloured van with _Tracy’s Transfers_ printed on its side, and second, a pumpkin coloured _woman_  fixed in a power stance. John slowed his speed-walk. His freckle-dusted cheeks puffed outwards with each heavy breath. Suddenly the woman looked to have seen a vision. Her impatient foot-tapping ceased.

“My my, boy. You’re younger than I thought.” She looked him up and down, seemingly impressed. John’s stance shifted. He was suddenly reluctant to get into a van with this woman.  
“Say something, boy.” John glanced around.  
“Um, booking for Laurens, right?”  
The pumpkin woman snorted, and urged him towards the van.  
“I’m Tracy, obviously,” she paused to gesture proudly to the cursive text on the side of her bus. “You made a booking for 4?” John nodded. Silence ensued. “Well come on boy, where are the others?”  
“Oh, right.” John reached over and lifted the blanket covering the cages on his cart.

He had wanted to keep his pets from other animals at the airport—he knew his birds in particular hated dogs. He gestured to the cages stacked on his cart, “These are my parrots Fuji and Whiskey, and this is my cat, Sugar.”  
The woman’s jaw gaped.  
“And me, of course. That’s 4. I just wanted to make sure these guys had enough room.”  
The woman sighed, “Get in the van.”

20 minutes into the drive. 21 minutes. 22. John found himself counting away the time he had endured with the pumpkin lady. She had suggested a game of 20 questions. John regretted not following his brain’s screams of “ _NO!_ ” but she hadn’t given him much time to answer anyway. Soon enough the conversation had drifted to his life in the U.S. , his religion, family, and _romantic situation_. Oh no. _Conceal it, John. This woman will be out of your life within half an hour. She doesn’t need to know._ She kept ranting on about how pretty a _girlfriend_ a guy like John must have. John sat, internally seething. He managed to mould his face into something like a bashful smile. 50 minutes. He could see his destination in the near distance.  
“You must be a smart one. They’re the kind you find at Oxford. What are you studying?”  
“Biological Sciences.” John was glad the conversation had steered to a more comfortable topic.

The van pulled up in front of a vast green lawn. John spotted Lafayette’s tall figure leaning against the stone of the building. He got out of the van and began to flail his arms in an attempt to get their attention. Lafayette raised a hand in acknowledgement. As John let his gaze drift, he realised that other students were staring up at him from where they sat on the lawn. He lowered his eyes in embarrassment, turning back to the van. _First day and already a proven weirdo. Nice going John._

John paid the pumpkin woman his thanks and strangely colourful British currency. She handed him a business card.  
“If you need a ride when you fly home. Keep in contact with your family, boy. They sound well lovely.”  
John assured her that he would before lugging his bags and pet cages towards the building. He hadn’t gotten far before Lafayette appeared and offered a hand.  
“You got my texts?” John questioned.  
“Of course.”  
“My phone said they weren’t delivering when I sent them. I thought that witch had purposefully blocked any signal from entering the van. So she could kidnap me. And take me to her lair to bake me into a pie.”  
Lafayette chuckled, “You didn’t enjoy the ride?”  
“To say the least,” John huffed. Lafayette stopped walking.  
“Your dorm’s over that way.”  
“Yep, I knew that,” John said over Lafayette’s snickers.

-

John fell onto his new bed. It was unexpectedly soft. The sheets he just put on it still smelled of his own laundry detergent. He knew he was going to miss Charleston. In his mind he clung to the memory of how home smelled. Lavender wafting in through the open window of the study. What it sounded like. His sister playing sweet melodies on her violin. He reached for his phone.

To Martha  
I’ve arrived and am in my room. Pass the message on to Dad, please.

Miss you.

John and his father never really saw eye to eye. Put simply, their views and morals clashed. However his relationship with his siblings was fine. He hadn’t told pumpkin lady about his real family situation, of course. What she got was a cutesy ‘happy family’ version of the narrative. John stopped himself from thinking about home any further. He was living in England now. He would have to make his dorm room as comfortable and homely as possible, no matter how difficult it was to forget Charleston. It would help him in the long run.

Lafayette had invited John to see a movie with them and some friends that night. John was relieved to have somebody he knew on campus. The two had started talking in the comments of a youtube video:

 **Highway Top Up “Forget About It” live at Huck Theatre**  
Comments - 342  
—————————————————  
John L  
Being able to see these guys live is the highlight of moving to Oxford

   G. Lafayette  
   +John L I’m studying at Oxford right now! I saw them last week.

   John L  
   +G. Lafayette No way, I’m moving there next year to study

And so an internet friendship was born, and John and Lafayette chatted for a few months until they met in person when Lafayette visited The States for a short international course. John hoped that Lafayette’s university friends would like him.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex and John meet in a dark room.

John knew he was late, so he didn’t have time to buy popcorn for the film. He dashed into Cinema 8 and found a single group, chatting away in their seats.   
Lafayette saw John and announced through the buzz of their chatter, “Hey, c’est John!”  
A series of cheers erupted. “They’re a little excited. It’s past their bedtime.”  
“Excuse me!” A girl with sleek brown hair nudged Lafayette in mock disapproval. She smiled at John. “I’m Eliza. You know what, let’s do introductions during the previews.”

John made his way towards the group and leaned over the row of seats in front of them, allowing him to see everybody.  
“I’m Angelica. English major.” Angelica was quick to offer her hand with a broad smile. Soon John was trying to remember all of the names of his new friends.  
“We’re all part of the International Club. We sort of drifted towards others who were also from the U.S. Except Lafayette. He was just there. And these three,” Hercules gestured to the Schuyler sisters, “They come as one package. So we’re stuck with all of them.”  
“Without us, you wouldn’t know what the heck to do with yourself,” Peggy remarked. Hercules blushed and scratched his head. “It’s true. Last year when we first started here he spent an entire month having no idea which building was which. The girls and I found him standing like a statue outside the…” As Peggy recounted the story, John noticed another figure down the row. The mysterious person hadn’t said a word the entire time. Peggy noticed John’s shifted attention.

“Alexander.” _Is that his name?_ “Alexander,” Peggy repeated. _He’s kinda cute._ “Hellooo. Why haven’t you said anything? This is Laf’s friend, John.” Alexander looked from Peggy to John. John could barely make out the boy’s features in the dark cinema. He still thought he was adorable, from what he could see.  
“I’m Alexander Hamilton.” Alexander Hamilton stared at John.  
Peggy chimed back in, “He’s being weird. This is Alex. He’s majoring in Law.”  
Lafayette cocked an eyebrow, “He usually can’t shut up. I don’t know why he’s acting so strange.”  
Eliza leaned over to whisper to Angelica, “Oh, I see what’s going on.”  
“Love at first sight. What a magical moment,” Angelica whispered back, giggling.

John cleared his throat. “Uh, it’s, uh, nice to meet you, Alex,” he squeaked.  
Alex gulped. “Same to you.” John had never so much as approached a boy at this level on the cute-o-meter. Alex was breaking the meter, and he had just spoken directly to him. John was conflicted. He couldn’t decide whether or not he was mad that the cinema was so dark. On the one hand, it meant that nobody could see his flaming cheeks, but on the other hand, he couldn’t see Alex properly. John wanted to see his face. And memorise it. And then take up sketching and sketch a beautiful portrait of Alex to hang in his dorm. _That’s weird, John_ , he reminded himself. _Stop being weird goddamnit_.   
Hercules’ voice broke through the silence, “The movie’s about to start…”  
“Oh! Come and sit down, John. There’s a spot near Alex if you’d like,” suggested Angelica. _Boy would I like that._

John rushed to sit next to Alex. Alex lifted the armrest to place a box of popcorn between the two of them. They both shuffled closer together to keep the popcorn propped up. John slowly raised his eyes to meet Alex’s and giggled when he found the other boy doing just the same thing. Alex’s lips curled upwards into a smile.  
“Hey,” Alex said.  
“Hey,” John reciprocated.  
“Sorry about that, the others were making me nervous.”  
“Me too. I’m just a nervous person, really.”  
“Already opening up to me, I see,” Alex smirked. John was taken aback by his sudden flirtation. He wasn’t complaining though. John reached for some popcorn and met Alex’s hand. He froze for a second, savouring Alex’s touch, before withdrawing his hand.  
“Sorry, you can go first.”  
Alex’s smirk returned and remained there for the duration of the movie. John was hyperconscious of absent-mindedly leaning closer to Alex, but every time he noticed himself doing this and moved away, Alex only moved in closer. By the end of the movie they had both practically migrated to John’s seat. Neither of them were complaining.

The end credits began to roll and the others shifted in their seats. Alex and John remained as they were. Their faces were so close that John could hear Alex breathe. He glanced down at Alex’s hand and began to inch his own towards it. The room became silent except for the end-credit music playing softly. Alex whipped his head around to see all the others looking in his and John’s direction. They immediately directed their attention away and pretended to be having their own conversations.

Alex looked back at John and the pair laughed together.  
“Did you know that when you get scared you tense up?” Alex noted.  
“Oh. Well that makes sense I guess.”  
“Yeah, I just needed a way to remind you of how close we were. It was nice.”  
“It was,” John smiled.

They left the theatre, and everybody declared their excuse for having to rush off at that exact moment. John caught them discreetly peek back at him and Alex on their way out. John and Alex were left together in the foyer of the cinema.  
“The movie was great,” remarked John.  
“The part when they got lost in the park was gold,” Alex laughed. John joined in, but his laugh sounded dull amongst the chime of Alex’s chuckles.  
“I’d really like to hang out again.” John stood, awestruck by Alex's words. “Should we exchange numbers?”  
“I—Of course!” John eagerly whipped out his phone and opened a new contact page. Alex handed him his phone. _What should I enter myself as?_ John fretted, _Do I use emojis? No, that’s probably weird. What if he likes them though? I get the feeling he would._ John settled for a turtle emoji next to his name. Alex chuckled at it.  
“You like turtles?”  
“A lot. I’ve always wanted one. I do have other pets, though. Two birds and a cat. I went through a lot to get them allowed into my dorm room. You should come meet them one day… in… my dorm room… you…” _What am I even saying?_ John frowned at his cringe-worthy self. Alexander simply smirked. John felt his cheeks heat up.  
“We should get going. I would offer you a ride but, well, I haven’t got a car yet.”  
Seeing John’s confusion he explained, “I’m fairly new here too. Got here about a month ago.”  
“Cool, maybe we can go exploring together sometime!”  
“That would be fun.” Alex smiled warmly at John.

After standing together in silence, it was clear neither of the boys wanted to leave. John caught a glimpse of the time on his phone: 10:43pm. Sure, he felt like he needed Alexander, but he also needed sleep. John mustered up the courage to bid Alex farewell, and they parted ways. As John approached the sliding doors, he turned back to see Alex smiling straight back at him.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John and Alex go on their first date.

The semester was due to begin in two weeks, which gave John and Alex the chance to spend some time together. It had been two days since they first met, and the pair had been texting non-stop. They had also met with all of Laf’s friends, who John thought were awesome, but he could not wait until he and Alex got to hangout properly. Properly meaning, of course, exclusively.

From Alex  
Hey! Would you like to go and watch something at the local theatre together some time this week?

To Alex  
That’d be great. Do you mean the one near that cafe we were at yesterday?

From Alex  
Yeah, they’re doing Macbeth, I think. Or Hamlet. Some Shakespearean tragedy…

To Alex  
Haha! Could be good, when would we go?

From Alex  
Tomorrow, show starts at 1:30pm. I’ll meet you at the cafe then, for some coffee beforehand.

To Alex  
It’s a plan!

From Alex  
Damn right it is ;)

  
John had no clue what that was meant to mean, but had gotten used to Alex’s flirtation by that point. Mostly it just made John want to tell Alex that he didn’t have to do anything except be himself to win John over. Which he had already done anyway. John’s cat, Sugar, made its way into his lap. John smiled fondly at her, giving her a comforting pat. He couldn’t wait to introduce Alexander to his pets.

At that moment, John heard a knock and got up to open the door.  
 _Who would want to visit me?_ He hoped it was Alexander. _No that’s not realistic, John._ Peggy’s joyful face greeted him.  
“Hey Peggy,” chirped John. Peggy was already making her way into John’s dorm, apparently searching for something. She commented on how big the room was, but stopped mid sentence. It appeared she had found what she was looking for. As she cradled Sugar and gawked at the birds in their spacious cage near the window, she beamed at John.  
“I remembered you had said something about your pets yesterday, and I just _had_ to come over here and meet them.”  
“Her name’s Sugar,” chuckled John.  
“Aw! What a pretty white coat, she looks just like a lil’ sugar cube!”  
“Ok…” mocked John. They laughed, and Peggy’s face suddenly lit up.  
“There was another reason I came here.”  
John looked at her seriously. “God, I’m not about to tell you something morbid. I just wanted to talk to you about Alex!”  
John hesitated before asking, “What about Alex?”  
“Don’t be stupid, John. Everybody can see that you two are completely infatuated with each other. I’d go as far as to say it’s more than infatuation… it’s _looove_ ,” she teased. John gave her a playful push.  
“And?”  
“Gosh, defensive much? I’m here to help you. It’s common knowledge that I am great at this stuff.”  
“Really?”  
Peggy sighed. "So, step 1. The first date.”  
“Done.”  
" _What?!_ "  
John explained that, _without_ Peggy’s assistance, he had managed to plan a date with Alex. He didn’t mention that Alex was the one who had done all the planning.

Soon he was ushering a disgruntled Peggy out of his room, assuring her that he would tell her all the details after his date. "Goodbye my sugar cube!" called Peggy over her shoulder.

-

John quickened his pace. He could see Alexander down the road, standing casually in front of the cafe. _You’ve kept him waiting already. Great impression._ He checked his watch, it was only 12:30. Was he late? He looked back up to see Alex staring at him. John walked on through the wind whipping at him. They exchanged smiles, John’s appearing more nervous than he would have liked, as they caught up to each other.  
“Hey,” waved John.  
“Hey.”  
“Coffee?”  
“Yeah.”  
John felt confused by Alex’s abrupt replies. When they had ordered their coffee, he asked if he had kept Alex waiting. Alex said he hadn’t, at all.   
“Sorry if I seemed a little weird just then. I’m getting into a somber mood for this play.”  
John laughed, “It’s probably going to be terrible.”  
“Yeah.”  
“Whatever, we’ll just sit up the back and, uh, I dunno. Talk.” John glanced around nervously. He could feel Alex’s smirking gaze on him. Their coffee arrived and John did his best to look profoundly interested in it. He did want to look up at Alex, to fall into the dream that was his intelligent eyes, but couldn’t bring himself to tear his eyes away from his coffee. He thought about how its colour reminded him of Alexander’s eyes…  
“Shall we go?”  
John looked up at Alex. He wanted to melt, but instead he stood and the two exited the cafe.

Alex and John found seats at the back of the theatre. It was half full, and no one noticed their entrance. When they had settled into their seats, they simply stared at each other. Then they laughed. This happened multiple times, Alex laughing at John who laughed simply because he had nothing to say. The auditorium lights lowered and the show began. As it turned out, the play was Macbeth. One of John’s favourites. Nonetheless, he couldn’t seem to get into the show. Alex’s mere presence was far too distracting. At one point, Alex readjusted his seating position and let his leg rest against John’s. John inhaled sharply and felt himself tense up. _This boy will be the cause of my implosion_ , he thought, relaxing himself. John looked over at Alexander, and became severely annoyed at the fact that he couldn’t make out his features in the dark theatre. He felt like turning around to complain to the lighting crew, when his wish was suddenly granted. The lights came up for the intermission. Alex leaned over to whisper in John’s ear, “This is really boring.” John giggled as he felt the heat of Alex’s breath on his ear. “Let’s get out of here,” suggested Alex. John didn’t process what Alex had said at all, but simply followed him out of the theatre and into the street.

The breeze hit them and John shivered, rubbing his palms together. Alex glanced at him thoughtfully, then pulled off the thick, black gloves he was wearing. He held them out to John.  
“Don’t even try to decline.”  
John took the gloves, thanking Alex, and put them on. They were much too big, so John held his hands in fists and shoved them in his pockets. Alex wore a look of satisfaction.  
“So maybe next time, a play isn’t the thing for us.”  
“Yeah. Well… what do you like to do?”  
John began to give his reply, when something behind him seemed to catch Alex’s attention. “I’m so sorry John, but I have to go,” Alex began to back up.  
“Oh. Okay…”  
“I’ll text you later. Sorry John!” John was just mumbling that it was fine when Alex came rushing back up to him and gave him a swift, sweet kiss on the cheek. John’s face reddened. Alex walked away chuckling, “You’re adorable,” he called. With that he disappeared around the corner.

John stood almost in a trance, his body freezing in the cold weather except for where Alex had kissed him. The brush of his lips lingered upon his cheek. The wind urged John to move along, and he obeyed. Despite himself, he could not wait to tell Peggy.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John is confused enough to make his head hurt.

  John awoke to Fuji and Whiskey aggressively chirping at each other. He rubbed the sleep out of his eyes while reaching for the bird food on his bedside table. _Maybe they're hungry._ He threw back the sheets and slowly arose from his bed. The two birds chirped louder yet. At the foot of John's bed, Sugar stirred, hissing at the cage. "Everybody calm down," John yawned. Refilling the bird feeder, John cocked an eyebrow at the two birds, "What's up, 'ey?" His mind wandered to the previous day. He remembered Alex’s kiss. Upon his cheek one second, gone the next. A sudden enthusiastic knock at the door startled him and he stumbled. _It's too early for all of this._ John opened the door to a crazed-looking Peggy Schuyler.   
"TELL ME EVERYTHING."

  Half an hour later, Peggy sat on John's bed, stroking a purring Sugar. She had drained every last detail out of him about the previous day's events, and was quite pleased. "You snuck out of a theatre together. That's _so_ romantic."  
“It was intermission. We hardly snuck ou—“  
Peggy raised a hand to silence him.  
“Romantic,” she insisted, and returned to petting Sugar, who was clearly unhappy with the disturbance. “So when did you two last talk?”  
John looked down at his lap, “Well, yesterday afternoon, I guess.” John had omitted the part of the story where Alex abruptly left the scene. Peggy gasped.  
“He didn’t do the post-date text?”  
“The what?”  
Peggy stood up and began pacing around the room, still cradling Sugar, “The post-date text, the confirmation that the date went well, the happy ending to chapter 1 of your love story! You mean to tell me you two haven’t spoken in almost 24 hours?” John thought about what Peggy had said. It was true. Why hadn’t Alexander followed up on the date? John thought it had gone well. Maybe Alex didn’t think the same. Maybe he didn’t even consider yesterday a date. Neither of them had actually said what it was.

Alex hadn’t had a problem leaving John so suddenly. John was obsessing over the whole situation. What if Alex left like that again? He wouldn’t be able to take it. Alex’s world didn’t revolve around John. For goodness’ sake, they’d only met a couple of days ago. John was being too brash.

But Alexander had kissed him. That had to mean something, didn’t it? Maybe Alex went around kissing every boy he met, John had no idea.

He had no idea. He didn’t even know Alexander. John had never had a boyfriend before, and now that the prospect of having one had suddenly appeared, he was obsessing over the idea. He didn’t even know Alexander. He was simply projecting all of his past notions of what his ideal boyfriend might be like onto a boy he had only just met.

John remembered Peggy was still in the room. She looked at him with pitiful eyes.  
“You alright?”  
“I’m fine, Peggy,” he forced a smile. “Thanks for hanging out, but I think I wanna get some rest. Prepare myself for tomorrow.”  
Peggy beamed, “First day of semester! I. Am. So. Excited. Alright, I’ll see you around then.” She put Sugar on the ground and turned to open to door. She paused at the threshold and turned back to John. Her eyes had returned to soft concern. “Hey, if you need anything, just give me a call, alright?”  
John just smiled.

-

John woke up once more to his birds squawking at each other. He was thankful they were only small, and didn’t generate enough noise to disturb his neighbours. They did, however, succeed in being living alarm clocks for John. A bit of food and comfort from John seemed to calm them. Sugar was much easier to manage than the birds, usually if they were calm, she was too. It was a bit of a chain reaction. John checked the time and realised he only had an hour until his first class. He still had to find his way through the college grounds, and he did not want to be late to the first class of the year. He got dressed, said goodbye to the pets, and left to officially begin the dream that was studying at Oxford University.

The campus felt even bigger when John was standing right in the centre of it, looking up at the majestic buildings all around him. He looked down at his schedule. Building 2… After uselessly scanning his surroundings in search of directions of signs, he gave up and pulled out his phone, opening his messages. He immediately went into Alex’s contact before stopping himself. Alexander wouldn’t be able to help him, he was new to the university too. John sighed. He hadn’t been able to get much rest the day before. His mind kept wandering to Alex. It looked like today was going to be a repeat. Instead he dialled Lafayette’s number.

-

Lafayette stopped outside a lecture hall, theatrically gesturing to the door.  
“We have reached your destination, mon ami.”  
“Thank you so much Laf. I owe you one.”  
Lafayette grinned. “How about a kiss then? Oh, my bad, you gotta save those for Alex.”  
John managed a smile at Lafayette, who had doubled over in laughter.  
“Wow I’m hilarious. Enjoy your class, Laurens,” and with that they walked off. John felt himself beginning to wallow, but caught himself. He shook his head, and stood a little taller. He had to focus on this class.

He took a seat somewhere in the middle of the lecture hall. The class commenced, and as much as John tried to focus on the professor who was speaking, his mind drifted out of the classroom. Out, to shy glances in a dark cinema, to shared laughter in the cold streets of Oxford. John pictured Alex’s gloves on his bedside table. He could still feel their warmth. John felt stupid for letting Alex consume his thoughts, but he couldn’t help it. Before he knew it, the class had ended, and John hadn’t absorbed a single word the professor had said. He sighed, gathering his writing materials, and walked towards the exit. Out of the corner of his eye, he glimpsed a ponytail of chocolate brown hair. His head jerked towards the sight. Realising it was just a girl, he looked away sheepishly. He was being ridiculous. Alex clearly had a life apart from John, and John should be the same. John’s phone began to vibrate. Peggy. “Hey Peggy.”  
“Hi John! How’s your day going? Have you had class yet?”  
“Yeah, actually.”  
“Ooh what class?”  
John gave no reply. He didn’t have one. As far as he was concerned, the class had been about how Alex’s smirk was everywhere and John couldn’t seem to escape it, while John doubted Alex even remembered what his smile looked like.  
“John?”  
“I still haven’t spoken to Alex.”  
Peggy sighed. “You know, none of the others have heard from him either. It might just be that he’s busy with the buzz of the start of the semester and everything. I think I overreacted yesterday. I’m sorry.”  
“Me too.”  
“What are you apologising for John?”  
“I overreacted too. I was moping around and being hopeless. I still am.”  
John immediately regretted what he had said. Pouring his feelings out to Peggy would only mean one more person being bothered by his problems. He needed to stop.  
“I’m sorry Peggy. I’m gonna go. Get some lunch or something. I’ll stop bothering you.”  
John hung up without waiting for a response. That was the second time he had practically closed the door in Peggy's face, and she was only trying to help. Wow. Who knew he could be such a whiny little bitch.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A long awaited reunion.

John was worried. He hadn’t seen Alex for three weeks since their last encounter. At first, he simply told tell himself to _snap out it, John. Stop obsessing over a boy who doesn’t even_ want _to see you._ Eventually, however, he realised that there was an actual problem, and that he should be worried. None of the others had seen Alex for a while either. None of them had even actually gotten the chance to see where his dorm was, so they couldn’t go looking for him that way. He never picked up or returned calls. Nobody bumped into him around campus.

This sent the group into _mild_ mayhem. Lafayette, however, addressed the situation with a laugh, “Alexander will show up when and where he wants.” But even Lafayette’s relaxed tone sounded forced to John. They had raised the issue with Alexander’s professors, who informed them that Alex had indeed been attending all of his classes. So, he wasn’t truly missing, but he also wasn’t socialising. At all.

John wondered if he himself had something to do with Alex’s disappearance. Maybe he had come off too strong. Maybe Alexander was only having a bit of fun when he had kissed his cheek. John felt as though he was trapped within a cycle of thinking about Alex, scolding himself for thinking about Alex, scolding himself for scolding himself for thinking about Alex, and thus going back to thinking about Alex. If only Alex would just show up somewhere, _anywhere_ , John might have a chance to talk things out with him. He had to know if Alex had been serious on that day at the theatre. The question was consuming John, stealing his sleep. _Did Alex feel that too?_

John was spending too much time alone with his own mind. He wished he could spend that time with Alex instead. The thought was too much. He surfaced the seemingly bottomless sea of thoughts in his head, and returned to reality. He sat in a brown leather booth at a familiar, cosy cafe. He looked down at his coffee on the table before him. The liquid was a rich, dark brown, almost the colour of Alexander’s ey—

No.

Across the table sat Hercules and Peggy. They were laughing so hard that they produced no sound, but instead looked like mute seals wildly clapping their hands together. A waiter caught John’s eye, giving him a stern look. John instinctively looked back down at his coffee. Peggy grabbed onto Herc’s shoulder, trying to regain composure. John noticed the way Hercules breathed in at her touch, tensing at her hand on his shoulder. His laugh halted for a second, then he continued.   
“I knew Laf was the sort of person to form his own club instead of joining everybody else’s,” Peggy gasped, “but _Environment Club_?” The two clutched their stomachs with another bout of laughter.

This was news to John. “What’s all this about?”  
“We were all a little late to sign up for clubs and societies and all that, and all of the other clubs each had almost no vacancies.”  
“And we all need to be in the same club, obviously,” added Peggy.  
“Obviously. So Laf made his own club for all of us to join. Just like that. The catch—the only idea he could come up with was _Environment Club_.”

John looked between them. “And? Environment Club sounds interesting.”  
Peggy and Herc quieted their chuckles. Herc looked at John sheepishly, scratching his head. “Well, I guess.”  
The pair looked down at their coffee and then at each other, and Peggy broke, snorting abruptly and bursting out in laughter. Hercules shook his head at her, but John saw the adoring smile he gave her. Peggy didn’t seem to notice.  
John even smiled a little himself.  
“I know it’s not the coolest thing to be interested in, but I love all that environmental activism stuff. It’s important to be aware of our environment, and all living things within it. That includes us. Our world goes down, so do we.”  
Peggy looked suddenly impressed. “Laf was looking for a spokesperson. I think we’ve just found one.”  
“A spokesperson? What is this?”  
“I _know_ right?” Peggy and Herc chimed. In her giddy mood, Peggy’s laughter was set off by this. Herc pulled out his phone, John’s phone also buzzing at that moment.  
“Would you look at that, Laf’s called a meeting on the group chat. Room 8, building 3. We should get going.” John tried to ignore the piercing glare of the waiter as they left the cafe.

-

Finally making it to room 822, John, Peggy, and Herc were greeted with familiar faces. The group had been meeting at the cafe downtown frequently, and John was quickly becoming more and more comfortable with his new friends. John said hello to Angelica and Eliza, and then sat in a circle which Laf had ordered be formed. The furniture in the room didn’t allow for a proper circle to be formed, and the formation turned out a little lopsided. More like a rectangle, really.

“This is going to be a long year,” Angelica mused.  
“Yes, one full of prosperity, and good health. For when the environment is rich and healthy, so are we, and this is exactly what the Environment Club will aim to make more of a reality within our local environment this year.”  
“What’s this? Laf giving a damn about the dirt beneath his sacred feet?” Hercules poked. Peggy did the shoulder grab thing again. Hercules beamed.  
Lafayette remained unshaken. “The environment is composed of so much more than just dirt, Hercules. There are… uh… trees! And… rocks, and, uh, how do you say… shrubs?”  
The room echoed with laughter, and Lafayette held his head high defensively. Eventually he silenced the group.  
“I called this meeting for a reason, and that was not to be laughed at. We have things to do, roles to allocate. We need a Vice President, people on communications, and so on. I also believe that in order to establish a clearer image for the club, we should have a spokesperson to speak consistently for all of our public messages and presentations.”  
Eliza chimed in, “Well I think we all know who that won’t be.”  
“Only one person speaking at a time, please. I can’t hear myself think.”  
“Maybe we should have a conch system, like in Lord of the Flies,” Angelica suggested. Lafayette blinked at her.  
“Has anybody got an item we can use just for the meetings? Maybe an outer layer of clothing or something?”  
“How about Herc’s shirt?” Peggy giggled and covered her mouth, outraged at herself. Eliza pursed her lips at her younger sister, and Angelica resisted a smile. Herc’s eyes had gone wide and he looked as though he had seen the gateway to heaven.  
“I meant a scarf, or something.”  
“How about John’s gloves?” Everyone hummed in agreement. John examined his gloves for a brief second. They were plain black, simple on the outside. But the memory they held was far from simple. He took one glove off and handed it to Angelica, who explained the system. You want to speak, you must first get the glove. You don’t have the glove, you don’t speak. Simple.

“Can we get back to the environment now.”  
“Please,” agreed Herc (who had still not quite recovered).  
“We need to think about the big picture first. We must consider a mission statement. What is this club trying to achieve?”  
Peggy sat up at this. “Oh! John said something really good before,” she looked at him, ”What was it?”  
She had caught him off guard.  
“Oh, I was just talking about how we should be concerned with our environment because we are so dependent on it, but also so influential on it.” Laf ordered Herc to begin taking notes, appointing him scribe.  
“What was that really stoic thing you said?” Herc questioned.  
John thought, “I said that if our world goes down…”  
“So do we.”  
“EVERYONE SHUT UP, JOHN HAS THE GLOVE.” Angelica was unimpressed with the group’s failure to maintain her conch system. She promptly realised that the voice had not come from within the room, and followed the group’s stares to the doorway.

There he stood. Like he had been there all along. Like he hadn’t practically run away from John and then completely ignored him for three whole weeks. Like he hadn’t ignored all of them. He kept talking. “The interdependence of humans and the natural environment is something we should really reiterate to the public.” Nobody spoke. In the pressing silence of the room, John felt a million voices shouting inside his head, but all he said was, “Alex.”

He wanted to cry. This boy had caused him so much confusion, so much distraction. He wanted to smile, what he had truly wanted all this time was just to see Alex again. He wanted to hug him. The only physical reminder John had of Alex had been his gloves. His plain, old gloves. Although it was hard to admit, John also wanted to slap the boy that now stood staring straight at him, jaw slackening slightly, as though he was only just seeing something he hadn’t seen before.

Hercules looked between the two boys. “John, I know we said you’d make a good spokesperson, but I think Alexander’s sort of stolen the show.”

Six pairs of eyes turned upon Hercules, who instantly tried to make himself as small as possible. “Sorry.”  
Lafayette cleared his throat.  
“I think that is quite enough for today. I’ll see you all next week. That’s a lie. I’ll see you downtown for coffee tomorrow afternoon.” Lafayette stood to leave along with the rest of the others. John rose, but remained where he stood. Alex began to walk towards him. On her way out, Peggy gave John a comforting rub on the shoulder, which he acknowledged with a grateful nod. Once the room was empty, John felt his brain implode with blaring thoughts once again.

He had no idea where to start. He raised his eyes from where they focused on the ground to meet Alex’s. John’s mind raced, and his head began to hurt again. Alex broke eye contact and turned away from John slightly.  
“I can’t even look at you,” said Alex, rubbing his eyes.  
John couldn’t believe what he’d heard.

“You can’t look at me?” John’s words were quiet, but filled with raw, screaming emotion. “I was having one of the best days of my _life_ , and I thought that you were enjoying it too, until you walked out on me. You had your reasons for doing that I’m sure, and everything would have been fine if you had followed up and at least attempted to explain yourself. But you didn’t. You didn’t make a single effort to contact me for the entire start of term. I have been stuck on that day, replaying what had happened over and over for three weeks, whereas it seemed that it had all meant nothing to you. And now, three weeks worth of content from my lectures and classes has gone in one ear and right out the other. And all over a stupid boy who left me out in the cold and never came back for me.”

“I am a stupid boy.”

“Yes, you are just a stupid boy.”

“That’s why I couldn’t look at you.” John squinted at him. “I know that your impression of me is probably very low right now, but you’ve been up and front about what you’re feeling so I will be too. You might think that I’m trying to play the pity game, but I hope I can make you see that I’m being genuine. I’ve been reliving that day over, and over, as well. I left you so suddenly because… well, I don’t know if I’ll go there quite yet.” John gave an exasperated sigh and turned away from Alex. “But!” his hand brushed John's. Angelica hadn’t returned his second glove. Alex’s skin radiated heat onto John’s trembling hand. “I know this sounds ridiculous to ask of you, but if you just trust me a little, I can begin to explain myself.”

John considered this. He savoured the warmth of Alex’s hand, still lingering on his. He still liked Alex. A lot.  
“Alex, the only time I think I’ll ever stop thinking about you is when I stop trusting you. And that is obviously not the case. Don’t ask me to explain it, but I barely know you, and yet I feel like my whole life I’ve just been waiting to get to know you.”

Despite everything, Alex grinned. “You’re really cliche, you know that?”

John’s face softened into a smile, “It’s genuine.”

“I’m glad.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was quite a long chapter for me, but I felt like I needed everything I put in this chapter. 
> 
> I'm interested--do you guys prefer the shorter length of my previous chapters, or this slightly longer length?
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this read, always remember feedback is valued and welcomed!
> 
> Thank you for reading!  
> Sabrina :)

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic! I really enjoy writing this stuff, and I would love to hear any comments you have to help me improve :)
> 
> Find me on tumblr, I'd love to chat (read: cry about) all things Hamilton: laurensdelaf.tumblr.com  
> A very special thank you to ma chère amie Grace who read the advanced reader copy of this and was a general angel. You should send her some love at schuyylerr.tumblr.com  
> I hope you enjoyed this read,  
> Sabrina


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